The Queen Stands Her Ground
by Nancy Green
“If you want me to be the king, you have to dance like the queen.”
I’ve heard this statement in various ways a few times now. From teachers and leads alike.
The actual quote is from Carlos Gavito, an icon in the history of tango dancers and it goes like this:
“I say that any man who dances tango and doesn’t look at the woman as a queen, will never be king.”
I think what we have here is a chicken and egg situation. Who was crowned first and does it matter anyway? Without standing on ceremony, I will celebrate my own coronation by taking the first step. And dance as the queen.
Metaphorically that is—for as we know, it is he who begins the dance.
The first time I heard about this king and queen stuff was from Daniel, kind, wise and professorial in a tweed sport jacket. When dancing with him, I know that I am in good hands.
He explained that to dance like the queen meant that I had to use the floor and own it. One time in mid-dance, dancing as close as we do, while unable to see my feet, he sensed that my right foot was floating when it ought not to have been. This could cause me to be unintentionally off axis. And we could both lose our balance.
When I asked him how he knew of my foot placement or lack there-of, he said: “I know everything about your body.”
He told me that I was a good “follow”, though by not standing my ground, I would feel and appear somewhat passive. He asked that I step with intention, dance as an equal participant and not as an object.
Well if that’s not a metaphor for how to be a woman in this world, I don’t know what is.
Although I’ve been on the planet for plenty of years and have lived in the same home for thirty-three of them (some may call it stability though an ex-boyfriend called it a rut), there are times when I felt as if my feet were not solidly planted on the earth. And that I had little claim to be here. Somewhat invisible.
But…I am delighted to report that changes are afoot and I am experiencing a “transfer of weight” both on and off the dance floor.
Whether it’s the freedom of being in my fifties or dancing Argentine tango (almost every night!), I am just now realizing that invisibility is never a factor…when I am visible to myself.
And as irony would have it, since I’ve been stepping and stepping out with intention, I have become quite visible.
My posture has changed. I smile and laugh more. And after seeing Amy Cuddy’s TED Talk on what body language reveals, I no longer fold my arms over my chest. For they alone are worth revealing.
Things are coming more easily. New business opportunities have appeared seemingly out of nowhere.
On more than one occasion men have approached me and said that I project a wonderful energy. One on the dance floor, one in the airport (who wants fly me to Buenos Aires to meet him at the Teatro Colón) and one at my mother’s 80th birthday party!
And of course all of this is to the soundtrack of gorgeous tango music. The kind of music that makes even the General Pulaski Skyway over Jersey City more poetic.
And so with a song in my heart and a traspié in my step, I now know one thing for sure. It’s good to be the queen.
Copyright © 2013 Nancy Green
Nancy Learns the Tango 
Hi Nancy! Loved it!
LOL! Professorial? OK. But I actually don’t wear tweed! Too hot for a tango jacket!
Well, I certainly DON’T know EVERYTHING about your body, for sure. 🙂 (alas, mere mortal here… and the remark was meant purely contextually, related to balance, breath and availablity of movement)) ….but it was indeed fun reading and delighted in my own absurd chutzpah at formulating it that way!
Like all Alexander Technique teachers, (my work) perception of kinesthetic information flows relatively easily in the arena of balance, posture, choice, breath, movement potential, fear-reflexes, tens-ings,etc. Any Alexander Teacher would perceive such things, as they train for years to develop such perceptions. That said, I should add that the woman knows as much about my own leader’s balance function as I know about hers since we impact on each other so profoundly. Whether all dancers are overtly conscious of that fact or not is just a question of skill sets in that arena of perception. Through the conventions of Tango contact and touch it develops in all of us, to one degree or another. It’s part of the dance on a cellular level.
Thanks so much for your kindly attributions and the absolutely warm, heartfelt blog you share, Nancy….it’s a real pleasure to peek into your journey that way. It is always a total delight to dance with you!
Magisterially yours, 🙂
Daniel
Thank you Daniel!
I’ve had my arms around you enough to know that at least you are wearing wool. I am happy to change the woven textile construction for accuracy’s sake. Yes, I know the line was contextual but it was a good one! And I could not resist. It made me laugh. You are wise–on and off the dance floor. I appreciate the help, information and compliments. Not to mention the dances.
Nice to have you as part of my journey.
Queen Nancy
Oh, so sweet to offer changing that, Nancy; but TRULY no need to change the tweed designation. My note, although accurate, was meant humorously. A tweed jacket is delightful imagery I wouldn’t oppose!…I have always admired tweed jackets and the thoughtful, laidback mythos those jackets represent….It is a much lighter wool I do indeed we when dancing close-embrace tango, yes…quite true! Tweed however…well, I’d have to be totally mad doing a fast milonga in that kind of a chilly-winter torso warmer. But just to complete the picture, I do hope that imaginary tweed jacket has leather patches on the elbow and I’m wearing an ascot, to complete the picture!
All the best, Daniel
You even comment in tango form!