Nancy Learns the Tango

And other forays and jaunts—on and off the dance floor

Tag: close embrace

January 1, 2013

Tango: The Year In Review

My Birthday and New Year’s Eve are a day apart.

So in effect, I have the good fortune to say goodbye to the old and ring in the new, twice. And double the amount of reflection, resolution and celebration.

During the week leading up to these two auspicious events, I have been cleaning house, literally and metaphorically.

Dusting and a sweeping. Turning over the mattress, plumping up the pillow. Straightening out a relationship here and there. Ending one and tending to another. Deepening others.

And with my partner, the vacuum cleaner, practicing forward ochos with embellishments(!), to the soundtrack of the great tango orchestras.

It has taken me the full year of practice to begin to become the type of dancer I admired all those months ago. One who dances the simplest of steps with grace and confidence.

A few of the men who have kindly endured the phases of my stepping on, tripping over and the anticipating-their-every-move-incorrectly, have noticed that our dances have become easier. And dare I say…enjoyable.

All evidenced by compliments such as: “Well danced, Nancy.” And “Hey, everybody, would you get a look at this one!” And my all time favorite, “Fearless, just like you.” As told to me by actual leads: Daniel, Michael and Jack. (Insert happy face here)

Oh tanguera, beware the slippery slope of too many accolades resulting in the sin of pride.

To which I say: “Damn it all!”

Like many students, I have only wanted praise and recognition from my teachers for a job well done. A dance well danced. And as we know, the wanting really impedes the learning not to mention the enjoyment.

In our Walking & Embrace class I was picked for the purpose of demonstrating close embrace with our handsome, funny, sexy teacher.

Yes Dante, you.

And by close, I mean hearts beating close. Lest you think all this hugging sounds quaint, in Argentine tango, it bypasses friendly and moves straight to smoldering. No questions asked.

As Dante and I were demonstrating the really close embrace, he mused to the class that he wasn’t so sure that Nancy wanted to be that near him.

To which everyone laughed and said: “No…we‘re pretty sure that she’s okay with it.”

But how does one manage humility, learn the lesson and have a good time as the chosen one of the moment? In front of the entire class!

With grace, confidence. And blushing.

During my first year of learning this marvelous dance and clocking in some of the requisite 10,000 hours, I have come to relax and let the learning take care of itself. I am hardly embarrassed or frustrated by not knowing, or taking longer to know it. The tango and I are going steady.

And though the giddy newness of learning the dance has transitioned to familiarity, the enjoyment has only increased.

Upon reflection, learning the Argentine tango may be the best and most life affirming decision I have ever made. It has opened up the world to me and more importantly, me to the world.

Copyright © 2013  Nancy Green

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October 15, 2012

Follow (Interpret) The Leader

When I first began to learn the Argentine tango, a few of my girlfriends bristled at the idea of giving up the lead and of having to take direction from men.  And worst of all, of having to wait to be asked to dance.  “Nancy, how can you do it?”

I listened to stories of couples that decided to learn a social dance right before they got married.  About how he wanted to lead and she wouldn’t let him.  About weddings almost being called off.

I have one good friend who decided to take up tap because she didn’t have to depend on a man to learn the dance.

And I must admit after my very first tango class I left thinking that the dance sets women back decades.  He initiates, he decides which steps and when and he determines the pace.  I am to obey, going backwards, in heels.

Though it only took the second class for me to understand that my role is as important as his.  For without me, there is no dance.

And while it may appear as if I’ve canceled my membership to NOW, I do have a lot of say as to how this dance is danced.

I am the one that determines the closeness (or not) of the embrace.  I am the one that interprets (as opposed to follows) his steps.  If I do not feel his lead, I simply don’t take it.  And when asked to dance and choose not to, I always have the option to say, “No thank you.“

Oh, and have I told you that tango law states that if a step is missed, it is always the lead’s fault?  Liberating.

And so in giving up the lead, I’ve come to enjoy and to expect men to…well…lead.

I danced with a man at the Union Square milonga who was so timid and limp in his affect that I’m not even sure a dance had taken place.  Though I knew something must have happened, for when the music stopped, we were at the other end of the pavilion.  I had to stop myself from saying: “So lead already.”

I want to clarify that I am not talking about physical strength here.  While I do appreciate the beauty and thrill of being in the arms of a strong man, it is his intention that gets me to take the first step.

He starts the conversation with the invitation of the embrace.  And no matter how simple the steps are, he is able to communicate movement clearly.  I answer by interpreting his movement so that we may remain in motion.

And that is our shared goal.

Copyright © 2012  Nancy Green

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March 26, 2012

Close Embrace

When I entered the world of Argentine tango as well as learning a dance, I also made an agreement to move towards intimacy.  With strangers.  Or at least the appearance of intimacy, until I got the hang of it.  I’ve taken the silent vows of good personal hygiene and the popping of breath mints.  Ix-nay on the garlic and onions.

Lately our teachers have asked us to dance in close embrace.

We’ve been dancing thus far in open embrace or what I call the “keep-you-at-arms-length” position.  Which is antithetical to Argentine tango.  It’s all about the embrace.  The connection

Well, who can think about connection, what with all the salidas, cruzadas, ochos, barridas, paradas and molinetes?  How can one consider an intimate embrace with all the stepping on, the stumbling into and the running over of my partners?  And that of other people’s partners?

As a beginner my focus has been on learning the steps and patterns, understanding nuance from my teachers  and maintaining good form.  And then somehow miraculously dance while not thinking of any of it.

But as you know, I am now an advanced beginner and I am delighted to tell you that my muscle has some short-term memory.

I have made the bold move in some instances to move closer to my partner, give him a big hug and see what happens.

I am reluctant to use this old chestnut, but…size does matter.  Or at least it seems to. Too tall and my arms are above my head and become fatigued.  Too short and my endowment is blocking his vision.  Last week I danced with a man half my size and I felt his breath on my elbow!

As it turns out some of the most connected, intimate and sensual dances have been with men that are my height.  We are cheek-to-cheek and heart to heart.

I may not even know his name, though I will wholeheartedly follow where he leads.

Copyright © 2012  Nancy Green

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